


Don't Tell Me

by knittersrevolt



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Spideypool - Freeform, Spideypool Big Bang 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-19 21:29:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11906568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knittersrevolt/pseuds/knittersrevolt
Summary: "What do you mean they American Pie'd me?""Dude, they set up a camera in your room, it's been running this whole time!""Please tell me I didn't mention-""You didn't, but man, the stuff with Deadpool was pretty... let's just say the whole school is pretty convinced you're dating a superhero."*Accidental dating trope, because Wade is a clueless guy, and Peter loves putting his foot in his mouth.





	Don't Tell Me

Chapter 1: Sketchy

“I’m telling you Ned, it was a total train wreck!” Peter lamented, leaning against a locker.

“Oh yes, please tell me all about how hard it is turning down a super hot girl because you’re spending too much time being an awesome superhero to give her the amount of attention she needs.” Ned whispered while rolling his eyes.

“I get that there are worse problems to have, but it was just this spiraling web of lies. First I tried to tell her that I was too busy, but she called me out on Stark’s clearly stated rules about high school interns. Then I told her I was seeing someone else, and she looked so heartbroken I told her that it was a guy. Then she looked so excited she demanded we go on a double date sometime, so I had to tell her his family didn’t know he was out and that snowballed into me saying May has never met him because he’s older and she wouldn’t approve of the age gap, and now I have this fictional older man lie going to try and cover up the ‘I’m not a superhero lie’, and-”

“Pete, Pete, I care, really buddy, I do, but this is 1000% your fault dude. You should have just said you didn’t have enough in common, which is kind of true since she’s not a superhero, and left it at that.”

“I know, you’re right.” Peter sighed. He shifted uncomfortably in his Midtown Academy of Science and Technology blazer. It chafed his overly sensitive skin. He could smell the synthetic fibers mashing against the bright yellow dye. Everything about it irked him, but it was a small price to pay to get to play in cool science labs and test new webbing. He pushed off from the wall of lockers with a sigh. The tingling down his spine alerted him to the fact someone was on a collision course with him. It also made him aware that any sudden movements to get out of the way would look suspicious, so he just let it happen.

Flash’s shoulder slammed into his, sending him reeling to the ground. “Ew, Parker. I heard you like butt stuff and guys, but don’t throw yourself at me. It’s embarrassing.”

Not for the first time Peter wondered how that guy made it into the school. At best he was good with fixing the mechanical stuff when it broke, but he was never going to innovate. The admin had to know he was the bully of Midtown High.

“Oh please, as if.” Peter muttered as Ned helped him up.

“I’m sorry, what was that Parker? Oh yeah, you’re not interested because you have a boyfriend right? Michelle told me all about it when she came to cry on my shoulder.” Flash smirked at him, “The older one who for some reason no one will ever get to meet?”

“What’s it to you? You want to meet him, see if you can steal him from me? I swing both ways, didn’t know you do too. Maybe he’s got a friend and we could all double date? We’ve already got plans for seven o’clock, want us to change the reservation to four people?”

The other boy backed off, “Whatever. I’m no homo.”

“I hear ‘no homo’ is what gay guys tell themselves before they come out. WE’LL SUPPORT YOU!” Peter called after Flash’s retreating form. “Dick.”

Ned was giving him a look. “What?”

“Can’t you just beat him up a little? Make it look like your foot slipped and hit him in the face while you fall or something?”

Pete glared at him till he held his hands up in surrender. “I can’t harm anyone. Not even him. Even if he clearly knows my boyfriend story is complete bull. Fuck. Michelle is so going to find out that I’m a big fat liar who lies, then she’ll never speak to me again, so even when I finally get unmasked she’ll never be willing to make beautiful dark haired babies with me.”

Ned patted his shoulder. “Seems a little ambitious anyway. You down for some Overwatch tonight?”

“Didn’t you know that was the reservation I was referring to? Barring any epic disasters I’ll be there.”

The bell rang, reminding them they were still in high school and they were supposed to care about other things.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Peter had his feet up on his desk as he played some WOW while waiting for Ned to get online. May would have never allowed that if she was home. She was having one of those months where she was trying to regulate how much time he spent playing games even though he was getting straight A’s, afraid that it would melt his brain or turn him into a violent criminal. Part of her tirade included feet on the ground, computer area cleaned, door open, no energy drinks after 5. He felt kind of bad throwing those rules out the second she left, but he did much worse things after she went to bed at night. She’d also throw an absolute fit if she knew how loud the music pumping through his headphones was. In truth it was just as loud as he needed it to be to drown out the sounds of the street below. Even Spider-Man needed a few hours off at night to chill out.

He reflexively checked the time. It was 7:13 and no sign of Ned. It wasn’t like him to be late.

“Where is he?” Peter muttered out loud. Then a blood wet hand splatted down on his shoulder, startling him off his chair onto the ground.

“Hey Petey-pie. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Wade? What the hell?”

The merc was bleeding from at least four bullet wounds. “I have ouchies. Kiss them make them better?”

He couldn’t help but gesture to all the puddles of blood now adorning his carpet. And bed. And windowsill. “Seriously? Do you have to get blood on literally every surface in my room every time you come over?!”

His question was answered with big wet puppy dog eyes and a trembling lip. “Fine, I’m sorry, but I just wish I didn’t have several hours of cleaning every time you come over.”

“Oh please, you love it when I come over.” Wade winked and waggled his eyebrows under the mask. The effect was lost due to the grimace on his face.

The truth was, Peter really did like it when Wade came over. Joining the Avengers last and being by far the youngest made Peter something of a pariah. Wade was a kindred spirit, not quite included in the group. Plus, he was a blast to hang out with, could keep up in a fight, and always provided food. Wade was also slowly collapsing onto the floor.

“Triage?” Peter asked as he began examining.

“Four bullet wounds, several broken but healing ribs and one dislocated hip. Seriously though, you should see the other guys.”

Peter helped maneuver the merc onto a blanket placed strategically over his bed to minimize the mess. “You mess them up pretty bad?”

“Nope, they walked away without a scratch. Super embarrassing. Well, three of them are dead, but they aren’t even bruised, and I look like this. You know, if you wanted to get me into bed, you could have just asked. You know I love that sweet ass.” Wade purred at him as he gathered some towels to apply pressure.

“For the millionth time, Wade, I have rules against having sex with people who are bleeding to death. And what do you care about my ass? You’re such a bottom it’s ridiculous.”

“Am not!” Wade glared, or Peter assumed he was glaring from inside the mask.

Peter set the towels down and crawled up the bed between Wade’s legs. He ran his hands up the merc’s muscular thighs. Wade’s left leg curled around Pater’s waist as he lifted the merc at the hips.

The dislocated hip sunk back into it’s socket with a loud ‘Pop’ and a scream from Wade.

“Not a bottom, eh?”

“Holy Mother of Unicorns that hurt. Fells better though. For you, sweetheart, I can be versatile.”

“Well let’s get that versatile ass into the shower so I can clean up this horror show before May gets home.”

Wade sat up then dramatically slid back down. “I’m hurt. Carry me?” He pouted at Peter.

He rolled his eyes, hard, but took his shirt off (to minimize blood transfer) and lifted the merc into his arms bridal style. The older man let out a high happy squeal.

“Idiot.”

“But I’m your idiot!” Wade swooned. Peter plopped him into the shower and left before the red and black latex was peeled off.

His room was an absolute crime scene. He toweled the blood that was smeared across his chest off with a dirty ragt. The first point of business was to find his phone to let Ned know gaming was a no go. When he finally found it in the folds of his sheets his screen flashed with five unanswered calls.

“Hey man, what’s up? I don’t think I can game tonight.”

“Dude, stop talking. Like right now. You’ve been American Pie’d, dude.”

"What do you mean I’ve been American Pie'd?"

"Dude, they set up a camera in your room, it's been streaming this whole time!"

"Please tell me I didn't mention-"

"You didn't, but man, this stuff with Deadpool is pretty... let's just say the whole school is pretty convinced you're sleeping with a superhero. This group chat is getting seriously out of hand. You’ve got to find the camera and shut this down NOW before Deadpool says anything about, you know, anything."

“Okay, um, I’m going to start walking, you tell me hot or cold.”

He walked toward his desk. “Cold”

Over to the window sill. “Colder, barely on camera.”

He moved across the room to the wall next to the door. “Red Hot! Three inches down.”

There it was. An evil little GoPro staring up at him. When could they even have put it in his room?

“Hey Baby Boy, can I crash here?”

Peter crushed it with one hand.

“Are we destroying things? Neat!” Peter could only shake his head as Wade destroyed several CDs.

Chapter 2: Trying

Peter resisted the urge to thump his head on the lunch table. There were looks. There were whispers. There were congratulations being offered. It was not his idea of a good day. Even Ned was giving him this half-pitying look accompanied by the occasional, ‘How you holding up?’ It was maddening.

“How many views?” Peter asked, masochist that he was.

“50K. Give or take.” Ned answered with an apology in his voice. “I would say you could do something to get it taken down but it’s not just YouTube, that shit has spread my man.”

“Awesome, now the whole world is under the impression that I’m dating Deadpool.”

“There are worse things?”

“Yeah, like how I have to tell Aunt May that we’ve gone viral because villains and assholes and probably some legitimately very nice people who want to hurt Wade are all going to come looking for us so we need to move. That will be worse. Plus, and here’s the really fun part, I get to tell her I lied about dating Wade so it’s all for no reason anyway.”

Ned’s eyes lit up with a sparkle, “Actually-”

“This is going to be a terrible idea. I just know it.”

“-you wouldn’t have to tell May it was a lie if you make it the truth.”

“See, what’d I tell you? Bad Idea.”

“Hear me out. You hang out with Deadpool all the time. He hits on you constantly, he’s probably not bad looking under the mask, and you have fun together. Go on a few dates, kiss him a little, see what happens. If nothing happens at least you’re not lying when you say you were an item for a while.”

“He’s actually stunningly hideous under the mask. Haunting your deepest nightmare stuff. I mean, I’m used to it, but it would fuck your shit up.”

Ned nodded, “Ah, no attraction. I get it.”

“I didn’t say that. It doesn’t really bother me.”

“You wouldn’t mind kissing the nightmare fuel?”

“Nah. If you just pay attention to his personality it’s like the scars and tumors fall away, you know what I mean?”

“No,” Ned shrugged, “but it sounds like it’s not an issue. So ask him out.”

Peter sighed angrily, “Sure, I’ll just start dating Wade. Because starting a relationship is just that easy.”

“Hey, you won’t know until you try.”

“Peter!” Michele called out to him from the line. He and Ned waved back politely.

She sat down with her tray, her hair effortlessly fell around her face in a devastatingly attractive way. “I think I owe you an apology. I told Flash about your boyfriend. I was just venting, but I think he’s the one who set up the camera in your room. I’m so sorry. If I’d known you were dating a superhero I wouldn’t have said anything ever, I swear.”

Her sincerity made him hurt for her. “Don’t worry about it. He’s hardly a superhero, and May had to find out sometime.”

“He hasn’t told her yet.” Ned blurted out.

Michele put a sympathetic hand over his, “Need backup? I’ll totally tell her it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t your fault, and I’m pretty sure I don’t want anyone else involved in the fallout. Thanks for the offer though.” He gave her a weak smile just as the bell rang.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Peter had never actually invited Wade over. The merc usually just kind of followed him home after missions, but he seemed enthusiastic enough about playing some games and eating too much pizza at the apartment.

“I brought the beers!” Wade announced as he flounced into the room wearing his standard suit with a pink tutu over it.

“You know I’m both underage and unable to get drunk, right?”

“Crap-a-doo. Really? Why can’t you get drunk? That’s as shitty as… a very shitty thing. Sewer pipe maybe? My large intestine?”

“Fast metabolism. I just burn it off.”

“Well shit, so do I, but you don’t see me giving up!” He popped the top off of what could only be called a jug of vodka and chugged. “WOOOO!”

“Can you at least attempt to keep it down so May doesn’t get a report back from Mrs. Stevenson?”

“Man I hate that old bag. Her cat is super awesome though. We had an intense conversation the other night about milk. Changed my whole perspective.”

May was off having a night out with women from a Single Mother Support Group. Hopefully none of them would show her the video. At least it gave him a few hours to attempt a seduction.

But what the hell did he know about being seductive? As they grabbed pizza and drinks Peter forgot all about that part of the plan. He just relaxed and started having a great night with a good friend. They laughed, ate, hooked up the PlayStation, and just had an awesome time.

Then Wade flirted. It was dumb, just a general, “He’s got a great ass. Got nothing on yours in spandex, but I wouldn’t kick that out of bed.” It wasn’t even about a real person, just a character in the game.

It was nothing new, so why was there a new feeling pulsing in Peter’s veins? Suddenly everything was more than it had been. His pulse rushed loud in his ears. He was aware of where his hands were in relation to Wade’s. Way too conscious of how close his foot was to touching Wade’s leg. He was swallowing weirdly. Did he always swallow that loudly? Or that often? What if Wade thought he was staring at his scars, now clearly visible since his mask came off for eating.

He should slow down his breathing to calm down. What if Wade noticed? How often did he usually breathe? Was he a slow deep breather, or a regular type? Was he a loud mouth breather? No one paid attention to breathing, did they? He should pay attention to more important things. Like the conversation. Did he usually flirt back? Say lurid things in response, or roll his eyes?

He risked a look at Wade. He was utterly unaffected. A slice of supreme was halfway out of his mouth, eyes trained on the screen.

“You know, I, uh, I don’t think we’ve ever talked about what your type really is. Guys? Girls?”

“Yes. Also I kind of have this weird thing going on with Death when we’re in the same realm, and I’m not sure it even has fun bits.”

“Ah. So physical features you like include…?” Peter was hoping for a little more to go on.

“Attractive ones? Or unattractive ones if there’s lots of foreplay. Or none if there’s flirting.”

“None?”

“Hell yeah! I’m not above getting freaky with a disembodied apparition if it says the right stuff.” Wade licked his lips under his mask and gave Peter a salacious wink.

What was Peter supposed to do with that? Wink back? Tell Wade his ass was also fine? He’d made it clear he was easy to seduce, but Peter’s limited experience didn’t include overt come-ons.

Objectively, he kind of saw where Wade was coming from. Wade was a messy network of scars, and yet there was something very appealing about him with his mask off. It was raw, honest, real. It made his personality important. There was nothing superficial to hang expectations on. There was no veneer to get past once the suit was off, and yeah, it was hot. Who cared about male or female if there was passion?

“Petey-pie, you okay? You’ve been quiet all night.” The video game had been switched over to a T.V. show while he wandered through his thoughts.

“Who? Me? Yeah, I’m good. Grand. Great. Never better.”

“There’s a smell, isn’t there. A cancer smell. Happens sometimes. I can leave, if you want me to.”

“No, no. It’s just… I’m trying to decide if I’m a man of words or a man of action.”

Wade ran his fingers across his chin. “You do like your science, which is words-y, but you’re also Spider Man. I’m going to go with Action. Yep, you are an action figure. TM.”

So Peter kissed Wade. It was awkward because they were side to side, not facing each other. It was awkward because Wade hadn’t been expecting it so his mouth was a weird shape. It was awkward because Peter still had his controller in his hand. It was awkward because after just a few moments, it wasn’t weird at all.

The controller slid easily out of Peter’s hand to the floor as he brought it up to place around Wade’s neck. After the initial fumble Peter’s lips trapped Wade’s, the pressure and suction reciprocated lightly. A heat passed between them. The wave passed over Peter in a way he wasn’t expecting. The analysis was swept out with it leaving behind arousal. Lust.

For just a moment their lips broke apart as Wade tilted his head to a new angle, all the better to readhere and tongue at Peter’s bottom lip. Peter slid willingly into the open lap before him, even though he was barely aware of what he was doing. He was swept up in it. Who could think when a crescendo of want was pulsing through? And he wanted. God, did he want. He wanted Wade. Wanted that tongue moving further than across his neck. Wanted to grind his erection into Wade’s, feel that evidence of their connection.

Peter was so caught up in feeling that he almost missed Wade putting his hands on his waist and bodily moving him off to the side until the lack of warm wet lips registered in his brain.

“Uh, how old are you?” Wade asked gruffly.

“18. You were at my party.”

“Yes! I was!” Wade slumped to the floor, “Oh thank God! REALLY thought I was going to have to start registering as a sex offender.” He wiped fake sweat off his brow.

Wade looked at Peter who looked at him. Tension grew between them. Peter’s breath evened out into what he assumed was its regular rhythm.

“Um, now that we’ve established that we’re all adults here, feel free to climb back on.” Wade gestured to his lap.

“I’m not sure that’s a great idea.” Self consciousness flood over Peter leaving him an insecure mess. “But, uh, would you like to go out with me sometime?”

Wade’s face lit up, “Really? Like out on a date? Can I dress up? Are you paying?”

“I’d prefer if it wasn’t literally a dress, but sure. I’ll pay for half?”

“Awesome!” Wade fistbumped him, gave him a peck on the cheek, then dove out the window.

Overall, Peter thought it went very well.

 

Chapter 3: Together?

“So how many dates does this make? 5?” Ned asked as he picked at the meal on the lunch tray.

“Something like that, yeah. And they all been really good. I mean, it’s not awkward and I can talk to him about anything. I can talk to you about most stuff but there are things you don’t get and May really wouldn’t get and she’d probably kill me even if she did. I don’t know it’s just been going so well.”

“… which is why you want to ruin it by telling Wade why you started dating him.”

Peter ran his hands up and down his face in frustration. “I don’t WANT to, but I have to. It’s not fair to him if he thinks I just suddenly discovered feelings for him when I kind of tricked him into it. I’m not even sure if I have real feelings for him or if I just like playing video games with him and also sucking face with him.”

“Have you guys… you know.” Ned moved his fingers in and out of a closed fist.

“That gesture is just nasty, dude, and no. We’ve done stuff but not exactly that. That’s the other thing, I’m holding back because I don’t want to lose it to him only for him to dump me when I tell him the truth.”

“You are so completely clueless.” Ned laughed right at him.

“Clueless about what?”

Ned pushed his tray aside to fold his hands, “Let’s examine the evidence, shall we? When you told Michelle you were dating someone you didn’t just describe some random girl, oh no, you described Wade perfectly. Older man? Can’t tell May about him? Then, instead of coming clean when that video fiasco happens you decide to start dating Wade, and you really like it. Face it, you subconsciously wanted to get with him, now you’re with him, don’t sabotage it! Who cares why exactly you asked him out the first time? And do you really think he hasn’t seen the video?”

“He probably hasn’t. Everyone decided it was a hoax because I’m a desperate loser pretty quick.”

Ned sighed, “Pete, I love you like a brother and I appreciate your need to do the right thing, I really do, but are you sure telling Wade is even the right thing?”

“I think I need him to know. I have to sort out my feelings, and I think this may be the only way to do that.”

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Despite all of the words, Peter still wasn’t confident about any of it. He texted Wade to meet him at the apartment when he was done doing whatever it was that Wade did with his time.

“Hey baby boy.” Wade entered through his window, unbloodied this time. He tried to lean seductively against the window sill but missed, leading him to crash to the floor. He popped up as if nothing happened. “Did you miss me?”

“Always.” Peter responded truthfully. Wade pressed a spandex kiss into his shoulder.

“What’s on the menu for the evening? Game of Thrones plus pizza? My Little Pony and Chinese food?” He plopped down on Peter’s bed as Peter shut down his desktop.

“Why can’t we have GoT and Chinese food?”

Wade gasped, “You don’t know me at all do you? I thought we were connecting on a deep spiritual level and then you pull something like this.”

Peter couldn’t help but grin as he joined his boyfriend on the bed. He tugged Wade’s mask off to kiss him lip to lip without the barrier.

Without trying he was lost in it. With just a few small movements Wade could melt what was left of Peter away into a sea of sensation. A few gasps and sighs before the rest of the world just faded away. From laying side by side Peter nudged Wade onto his back so he could settle in between muscular thighs. He grazed against them hard with his nails as he licked kisses into Wade’s neck. He was ashamed that he’d ever thought of Wade as unattractive when he could rush all of Peter’s thoughts south so quickly.

He let his hand run over the bulge in Wade’s suit.

“Okay then!” Wade shot out from under Peter. He was sitting up against the headboard before Peter could even process what was going on. “What show are we watching? I can find some compromise on the food. Like Mexican! What genre doesn’t go with Mexican?”

“PETA documentaries?” Peter let his brain answer because his body was still recovering from the moment.

“I see your point, but I argue that’s for people who care.”

“Okay, can we pause and talk about why we aren’t more naked right now?”

Wade started to fidget with whatever was within hands reach. Mostly the edge of Peter’s shirt, “Whatever are you talking about Petey Pie? We’ve had plenty of naked times! Just last week we had fun oral not speaking times.”

“Yeah, so why isn’t that the case tonight?” If Wade was about to break up with him Peter wanted one last ride.

“Because,” Wade toed at the bed, “I was thinking that maybe it’d be more boyfriend like if we talked tonight instead. Did boring house stuff and watched TV and movies. It’s always kisses and genitals. And I LOVE kisses and genitals, but maybe we could be boyfriends too.”

The smile on Peter’s face could probably be seen from the moon. This was the feeling he’d been waiting for. Butterflies. He carefully threaded his hand with Wade’s.

“You want to be boooyyyfrieeeeends. You really liiiike me!” he teased.

“TELL NO ONE!” Wade boomed. They giggled.

“Okay, for now we eat some food, watch a little TV, talk, and next week we’ll go back to the physical stuff.”

“Well, if we’re boyfriends…” Wade straddled Peter. Mask off his tongue slid smoothly into Peter’s eager mouth. Soon those lips were moving sloppily down his neck. As the flushed heat between them rose, so did Peter’s guilt.

“Wait, wait. I have something I should probably tell you first.”

“Are you straight?”

“Can you not feel my hard on?

“Are you seeing anyone else?”

“No.”

“Do you never want to see me again or not let our genitals ever touch?” Wade boinked his fingers together.

“No.”

“Will what you have to tell me make me less happy?”

“It might.” Peter conceded.

“Then don’t tell me. If it won’t change this moment, won’t change how you feel about me and it’s not one of the other aforementioned things it doesn’t matter. So don’t tell me.”

Peter pressed a firm kiss into Wade’s forehead.

“I really like you, Wade.”

“Good. Because I’m going to make you choose what we eat.”

From there on out, things went pretty well.


End file.
